2016 Blue Jays Hotness Ranking

So here we are again, another great season finished, another
list to superficially objectify these amazing baseball players
(well at least most of them). Like last year I’ll be dividing the list and they’ll be posted the next couple of days.

There must be some parameters to who will be included in this list. This year was a tad harder because I watched the whole season and
therefore was more emotionally invested in a whole load of players from the first half of the season that
didn’t have a lasting impact with the team all season long. So I had to fudge
these parameters a little bit. So to be on my list you had to have at  least 14 games
under your belt. So this removed a lot of AAA players like Danny Barnes and my baby
raccoon, Andy Burns. I also narrowed it even more to players who played in games
after the trade deadline. This was hard to commit too because it meant that Jay
BAE, Chris Colabello, would not be included on this list. (I know, I’m still crying about it.) Finally, if a player was on
the playoff roster (at any point) they’re on this list. This is pretty much so
I can include some important players from the second half that just doesn’t fit
the first parameter like Navarro, Liriano, and Barnes.

And again like last year I want to remind you guys that this
list is extremely subjective. By no means is it related to what I think of them
as player. Some of these orders may surprise some of you who’s been following
me a while but this is a ranking of hotness, not my ranking of my favourite
players. So here we go:

32. Joaquín Benoit

There’s something about Benoit… He
has these light brown eyes, and they’re big. And when he’s pitching and stares
at down to the batter it’s kinda terrifying. Scary enough that I placed him this
far down on the list.

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31. Francisco Liriano

I just want to see Liriano smile.
Maybe if he smiled I would place him a little higher on the list.

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30. Dioner Navarro 

So Navi still doesn’t do it for in
fact I think he lost some points from last year cause he said watching baseball
was boring during an interview. Like how is that even possible?

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29. Roberto Osuna

Osuna also lost some points from last
year, this time I blame that ponytail he had during the first half of the
season. I’m pretty sure that pony tail coincided with some of his worst inning
as well. I hope you’ve learned your lesson Roberto.

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28. J.A. Happ    

It’s those damn eyes Happ. They stare
at you and they’re so emotionless that it’s almost creepy. Also @joshtoll-ee has
ruined him for me by calling him a glazed timbit.

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27.  Ezequiel Carrera 

I know it’s breaking the rules of this
list but I swear Zeke has gotten hotter since he started hitting. Those base
hit bunts, oh lordy. LOL, also you gotta love that is always smiling.

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26. Brett Cecil  

I will forever love man with glasses.
Put a baby on that man with glasses, #ded.

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25. Ryan Tepera  

Oh Tepera…. Every time I see your face I
see Buster Posey taking of his shin guard to got to first bases on his walk-off
walk. And if judging you based on that wasn’t against the rules you would be on
the bottom on the list. But I can’t deny that you’re kinda cute… ugh.

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24.  Jose Bautista

Every time I rank Bautista this low I
feel him judging me real hard and giving that terrifying stare down. I’m sorry
Jose!

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23.  R.A. Dickey   

Dickey looked great when he came into
Spring Training this year and boy am I rewarding him for it. Also Happy
Birthday RA!!!!

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22. Edwin Encarnacion   

Let’s be honest I have no right to
just Eddy and his parrot.

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21. Scott Feldman

So not gonna lie I had to search my Feldman tag to
remember what he looked like. Don’t judge, when was the last time Feldman
pitched, I’ll tell you over a month ago. And I guess he’s not ugly, not overly
hot. So whatever… I’ll put him here.

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20. Aaron Loup

Oh Loup… As much as I kinda dread
seeing you, you are kinda adorable.

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19. Kevin Pillar   

I know Kevin is a fan favourite and with his superman heroics and that smile it’s no wonder why.

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18. Justin Smoak     

A huge revelation happened this season
that probably got Smoaky some extra points this year. Dude looks mighty fine
with a beard.

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17. Joe Biagini

JOE!!!!!!! This is probably the first
surprise of this list. Joe? Only 17? On Daryl list?

Yeah, yeah. But regardless on my
crush on this kid I would be lying if I said any of the guys ahead of him
weren’t hotter than him. This crush is all based on his adorably awkward sense
of humour and everything else just followed. So although your number 17 on this
list your at least #2 in my heart (lol, sorry guys, I only have one number
one).

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16. Josh Thole    

Dude has one of the most adorable
smiles in the team. The reasoning for his wife’s nickname may have also
garnered him some extra points, right Mr. Bubble Butt.

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15.  Aaron Sanchez 

Sanchez has such a baby face that I
can’t totally call him hot. But man that extra muscle weight he gained and his
dominance on the mound got him really close. Close enough that he’s one of the
few guys that actually move up from their ranking from last year.

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14.  Melvin Upton Jr.

Let’s be honest Upton’s legs are 80%
of the reason why he’s ranked so high cause god dammit those are things of
beauty.

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13. Dalton Pompey

This team needs team needs more of
Pompey. Please play Pompey. Please bless us with that adorable face.

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12. Danny Barnes

Sigh… I still remember the first time I
saw Danny. Instantly thought, “Damn… He’s kinda cute.”

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11.  Michael Saunders

So confession, number 9-11 kinda kept
getting switched around. So you could consider it technically a 3 way tie but
I’m a baseball blog and their no ties in baseball so here we go.

At the beginning of the season I
didn’t think much of Michael Saunders. But man the more I watched him you
couldn’t deny Saunders is kinda handsome, nope sorry, really handsome. He looks
like he would look real good in a tux doesn’t he?

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10. Devon Travis 

It’s so weird that this is Travis’
debut on my list. Welcome Devon and congrats on cracking the top 10 on your first
go. And can you blame me. Look at this adorable kid. How could I not with that
smile.

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9. Marcus Stroman  

My highest rated baby blue
bird. Thought Stro was a stud last year but his blond-less hairdo made
everything even better.

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8. Ryan Goins

Oh GoGo, you’re so damn pretty. It still gets me every
time he does that little smirk smile after a good play.

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7. Bo Schultz 

I’ve made my crush on Bo quite clear
on this blog. I couldn’t add him to the list last year (cause of the stupid
rules I made) but I’m pretty sure I fudged the rules this year so I could… cause… man look at him. And his voice you guys! His voice!

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6. Russell Martin      

Alright, so Martin jumped a couple
spots. And I’m pretty sure it’s all because there were so many clips of him and his pitcher walking
out of the bullpen before the game. He looked so confident, strong, and fierce.
Bless those shots.

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5. Jason Grilli

So I kinda fell for
Grilli pretty fast. Certainly, not first time I saw him where I was at the Dome
and the first time he threw the ball he threw it to second offline and it went
right into CF. But he made up for it quickly and now I cannot remember what
life was like before we had King Leonidas, I mean Jason Grilli.

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4. Darwin Barney

If you told me
that I would have a crush on a guy name Darwin Barney I would so laugh in your
face. But those eyes, that smile, those dimples got me hooked. I was very happy
when the news came out during the Winter Meetings that the Jays signed him for
the sole reason that I could finally add him on this list and did I ever.

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3. Troy Tulowitzki

A full year of Tulo garnered him
enough points to move up a spot from last year.
Even more so because this year we got to meet Concerned Tulo, Sad Tulo,
and my favourite Party Tulo.

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2. Josh Donaldson  

I mean where else could I rank Josh . Look at my smut tag and it’s literally him with the occasional
different player. I was not happy with his hair situation this year but man did
he ever make up for it with he newly tailored pants. I’m ready for whatever you up your sleeve next year Josh (hair or smut wise), bring it on.

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1. Marco Estrada 

I know! Shocking right

Yeah… I don’t think this is a surprised to
anyone. As long as Marco Estrada is a Blue Jay he will be my number one. He’s responsible
for most of the fangirling I do on this blog and do you blame. We’ve now seen 2
full seasons of the intense stares to the catcher, the beautifully well kept
hair and trimmed beard, and those bright brown eyes. But this year he graced us
with Silly Marco a little more and boy were we fortunate to witness that. All
his reaction to all the HRs, good plays behind made behind him, or his little
moments caught in camera with other players warmed my heart and cemented his
spot on top of this list.

It pains me to think that I may only have more year
to place this man as my number one. You know what no, it pains me to think the
in 2018 I may be making a Hot List for another team, lol.

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Well I hope you guys enjoyed that as much I did making it.  My god you guys how hot is this team.

Sorry if there’s no shocking change in the end of the list but as long as those players play for the Jays (or until Ian Desmond or Anthony Rizzo comes into this team) the top of this list will generally stay same.

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